The Beauty of Love, and the Beast of Hate

               It has come to my attention, that there are those in the world that wish to boycott the new Disney movie starring Emma Watson. How can this be? How can such an idea be possible, when there is so much greatness lying within this remake? One plain, and simple truth: Hate.

               That’s right, hate has found a crack in the bubble of this magical adventure, and has begun to poison society’s perspectives. You may wonder what I could possibly mean by this, and I will certainly explain; but first, let me give a brief overview of the original story, for those few who may have never had the pleasure of enjoying it’s wonder.

               The original Disney movie, “The Beauty and the Beast,” centers around a woman in a small “provincial town,” set in France. Belle, the aforementioned maid, is a unique member to the local society. Though her visage is one of rare beauty, she happens to be self-educated, and an independent thinker; not a common practice for women in those days. These qualities set the young woman apart from her surroundings, and isolate her.

               Not unknown to her, the townsfolk talk about her oddity in private circles, exchanging concern, and further cementing her place outside of their ranks. Among the chatter, there is one lone admirer, but not in a way that would prove appealing to Belle. Gaston, a vulgar, narcissist, with a build that is “roughly the size of a barge,” has taken it upon himself to woo her. Of all her qualities, Gaston can only sees what is on the surface (her good looks), and pays no mind to anything beyond that. To him, Belle is nothing more than another trophy to mount on his wall (like the many animal heads in his hunting lodge).

               Close at his side, is a character of insignificant stature, and incoherent nature, whom is awe struck by the physical perfection of his masculine counterpart. By comparison, Lefou is weak, and gullible, mindlessly following his egotistical superior. Throughout their introduction into the movie, during the musical number, “Belle,” the miniscule man dotes upon his leader, to the point that one would question his motives.

               Not to say that one man being awestruck by another is unheard of, it’s not, it’s only the extent of the devotion that leaves one pondering the initial intention behind it. Lefou pays a lot of attention to the feats of strength, and skill, to an almost, obsessive nature. Granted, men can be excited by their heroes, like sports players, and can recite their stats from memory; but this exchange goes beyond that point. It rivals that of a teenage girl, admiring her secret crush who’s locker happens to adjacent her’s.

               For those us of who grew up watching this, deep down we knew. This was never a focal point of the story, so we never drew attention to it before. That is, until the remake was made.

               Much of this movie has been hidden in the shadows, as the world waited with baited breath, anxious to see what spell will be cast upon the viewer. Will they keep any of the music? Will the story be the same? What will it look like? Not one of us ever wondered if the relationships between the characters would be altered.

               As the months floated down like the petals of a majestic rose, more details and previews were released, bringing us closer to the last petal. We hungrily consumed every detail we could sniff out, craving more than was supplied.

               Until, one day, and article was released, that has divided the masses. The rift is not cavernous, yet, its’ still fresh, and quiet, but as more people digest this fresh crumb, the more it will infect the population, and they will fall in line with one of many sides.

               For the purposes of this essay, I will express only two of them. There is always more than two sides, and no one person can fall perfectly in view of the person next to them, but overall, the vast majority can be separated by two glaring ideas: 1) Love is love, and 2) Love is only between man and woman.

               “Wait a cotton-picking minute here,” you might be wondering. “What on earth could you possibly be talking about? I thought this was about a Disney movie?” and you are right. This is a Disney movie, and it has sparked the age old debate, and this is how.

               The article [Read Article Here] describes that Lefou is in fact hiding a secret, that he is gay, and doesn’t know how to approach the situation! When you watch the original, after reading this, it all makes sense. All of his actions cry out to his true nature, and this has inspired hate among those who were once excited for this revisioning.

               Reaction has been polarized at best. Personally, I have friends, and family on both sides of the spectrum, and try to be as forgiving and understand to those that do not share the same views that I, myself do, but today, I cannot stay silent.

               There are those out there, who are disgusted with love. They cannot fathom that love does not fit inside a pink and blue box, and can stay tied together with a neat little bow. Loves seldom beautiful, or neatly drawn, or able to be made with a cookie cutter formula. Love is a many splendid thing, and to turn your nose up to an amazing movie because it shows human nature at it’s best? I cannot fathom.

               How can one look at the whole picture, and take the good, disagree with it, and throw it all away? Did anyone ever look at the opposite side of the coin. Take Gaston for instance. He’s not what you would call, ideal. Sure, he’s handsome, and strong, but what good does he contribute to the society around him? He treats the people around him like replaceable objects, and women are barely equal to furniture. Let us also look at how he treats the beast, a creature who is physically ugly, and is broken within.

               Gaston spits upon the existence of this person, solely based on his outward appearance. Violence, and hate speech are flung at this poor soul, who chose not, his fate, and yet is punished for it. How is THAT ok?

               Upon mulling this over, prior to writing it out, a thought crossed my mind. Well, the movie itself doesn’t SUPPORT Gaston’s hate. **SPOILER ALERT** In the end, the idiot dies by falling from a great height, so that argument cannot be equal to that of supporting “same sex love.”

               Speculation on the idea has lead to me to Aladdin. The title hero, is a thief, a con artist, and doesn’t care if he hurts another, just so long as he live another day. His story, leads him to a princess, and order to save her must use his street smarts to save the kingdom. A story like that promotes sin, right from the ten commandments, yet there is no outcry to boycott that movie. Isn’t sin a black and white path? A lie is the same as murder, idolatry the same betraying your mother and father? If one is not ok, then none of it can be ok, correct?

               How does one understand the correlation of hate to love? God walks with all of us, even when we cannot, or will not see him, regardless of your faith, or lack there of. He is with us each and every step of the way, guiding us, leading us, pointing us home. Yet, we are not walking the path with others, instead with throw rocks their way, not thinking that we are also throwing rocks at God. Only he knows the path of our brothers and sisters. How can we sit there and say that it is wrong, when God is walking alongside, and Jesus sits beside them?

               How can hate be right, and love be wrong? How is one person’s life, the right of another’s? How can anyone judge, when they haven’t all the evidence, or worse, refuse to open their eyes to see it. Instead they bury their heads in the sand, and suffocate on their own ignorance. Should anyone step into the sunlight, the ostriches kick sand in the other’s eyes, in an attempt to blind them from the truth, to drag them back into the darkness. Hiding away from humanity, will only turn lead to misery, and isolation.

               Sadly without darkness, there cannot be light, without hate, there cannot be love. The universe is a balance that must be maintained, or chaos will reign. Let love band together, hand in hand, and never lose sight of the spark in the shadow, even when no one is beside to keep you warm.

The Village of Me

Hello people of the minuscule world known as my followers. All... One? of you.
   They say it takes a village to raise a child, and they are right. If children are to know the world they need to know the different sides of it. Well what if you are the only resident of your village, with two children in tow? What if everyone else is just a tourist to your town, no one permanent? Nothing stable? How is a child to be brought up well rounded if only the mayor is around to bring them up? But everyone else is on vacation?
   How is one person supposed to sacrifice herself for the good of her kids? Eventually there is nothing left, right? What if there was nothing much there to begin with? Love is in abundance, but patience, will, and ability are in lacking. These children suffer in an ever changing landscape when they need a home. How can I give that to them when I myself am not even home? The world is in chaos, and I'm supposed to be the solitude?
   How can one person protect innocents from pain, when they themselves hurt on a daily basis. How can one person seek out the soul of another, if they cannot leave their town? How can one person complete the job of many, and expect good quality. A factory doesn't expect good parts to be made by one person alone? So how can the world expect one person to raise a child in the same time it takes many? How can I teach lessons that I myself seem to be unable to learn? How do I show them the path when I myself don't know where it is? Where is my village to help me find the way? How do I guide my children to find their village? Where is my compass? Where is my map? How can I find this place if I am trapped in this space?
   I have dreams for the future, but I cannot succeed on my own? Where is that step I need to get where I want to be?
   I guess there would need to be genuine caring for all these questions to be answered? No more wayward souls, but real people, here. Now. Forever. Someone willing to step away from their travels, and to settle in our town, to pick up the slack that so many carelessly dropped. Someone to harmonize in the rhythm of the work to be done. Someone that can advise the mayor, and become so much more than ever was.Someone to bring a balance to the fallen scales. Someone to heal a broken heart, and mend the broken foundation of this town.Someone who can fix the flow, and change the direction of the rivers of time. Someone who can lift the spirits of this town with a simple word, someone who can light the way through the darkness, someone who won't let us thirst.
   It's takes a village to raise a life, a larger one to raise two, yet I'm standing here in the rubble of the town center, cleaning debris with my own two hands, trying to fix what I destroyed. I'll never be mayor of the century. I'll never have awards with my name on them, and I'll go down in history as the worst leader of all time. This village will crumble into the earth, and it's residence will be thrown into the winds of fate with nowhere to go, and all that will be remembered is the failure to do what many should have done. That more could have, and should have, been done.
   The gravestone will be empty, because nothing worth remembering will be lain there, buried and forgotten. Lost, and abandoned. The weeds will grow, and even the marker of SOMETHING being there will be erased. People will move on, making a difference that could not be done here; and no one will be the wiser.

The Damsel and the Knight

once upon a time there was a knight in dented armor. He had been exiled by the court of his kingdom, and lived each day just getting by. One day, at a gathering to feed the poor, he met a damsel. No she was not the fairest of them all. No she was not a princess of any sort. This damsel was just an oridnary woman, barely in her womanhood, who had lost all hope with life. Fates would have them meet at the round table, and as the forced down their meager helpings, a discussion bloomed, and plans to meet in the near future were set. He would later come upon his sandy steed, and whisk her away. As the conversation deepened, she learned this knights recent armor chinks were rather shocking, having been just released from the stockades just months before, and now was under constant surveillance. Scared though the damsel was, his sweet smile, and eyes that held a thousand hurts, enraptured her. The promise of a future glued her. She moved to the kingdom of his forefathers after word of her courtship spread, and she was no longer welcome in the  pauper's home. Life in this new kingdom was far from easy. The woman had still much to learn about life, and the elders knew too much of too little. Tensions grew between the people, but the love between the knight and the damsel, strained though it was, grew with it. They soon wed, and were together at last. Happy. Maybe. The damsel knew, deep down, that a marriage would change things, make things that were already difficult to bear, unmanagable. Whenever tensions grew too high, the damsel would bear the full blame from all sides, including the man she loved. When times grew tough, and the damsel thought to seek help with her kin in the far kingdom to the north, he threatened to take himself from the picture. If a thought crossed her mind, that was not to his favor, he'd belittle her until she bowed to his will. The damsel loved him through it all, citing that the tensions in the home were the cause for his poor treatment, lack of respect, and utter disregard for the woman he claimed to love. In the struggle, they bore a child. The challenge to raise this infant up was great, and it took a toll on the damsel. She knew not of what she was doing, and the strain of sleepless nights, the pain from the birth, and the mental damage caused, had the damsel close to giving up. She pulled through, and managed to keep this beautiful child alive, healthy and happy. Happy though this daughter was, the same could not be said for her parents. The torment caused between all involved was growing too strong, and the woman knew she needed to get out, but was scared of trying to do it alone. Scared of what he would do if she tried. The fear of losing her precious child held her in her place. In the darkness came another ray of light, in the form of another child. The damsel was shocked at her arrival, with the war at home so strong. With the news of new life on the way, the woman thought of what life she wanted for their future. The picture envisioned was not one of a battle-weary family, but one that was happy, and smaller. The woman knew she could not be the mother required as long as she stayed put. She fled, but not without opposition from the man she still loved, even if he hurt her so much. He removed the saddle from her stead, preventing her from riding off, and threatened to have her taken away, but she sought assistance from her distant kin, and was away from him, as he was escorted to the stockades for his tirade. As she coward away from him, lost and alone, she tried to figure out how she was going to raise a family alone. She didn't know the first thing about living alone. Soon the fear of being the sole provider, the only leg to the table her children sat at, and her inability to see she was worth so much more, threw herself at the knight's feet, and begged to work it out, thinking that he would see the fault, and be able to help repair the holes in their love. She was wrong, and she knew it, but being wrong was easier, than being strong. They fell into old patterns, and could not get past the hurt of past transgressions. As time moved on the woman learned to do things on her own, and was even sent to the stockade herself after trying to flee trouble. When no one was there to help her back up, she had had enough. She secured her own home, and managed it on her own. She learned how to establish her own life, and was no longer afraid of the knight's silver tongue that was laced with poison. She pushed him away, and thought she wanted to keep trying, she knew it was no longer worth the heartache and stayed gone. The knights dents continued to grow in number, as he tried to replace her, and drown his sorrows with his own poison. The damsel tried to be civil, but was always roped into his duel of words. The damsel hoped to be freed of her villain when she had met the knight all those years ago, but his dents were too numerous, and hurt too deep, and in the end turned him into the villain she feared. In the end she became her own knight, and hopefully rescued her children from a similar fate.

Cliffs of Reality

Hello strangers.

   I was writing about my feelings earlier and I had gotten this image. A tall young man, with a chip in his shoulder. He's been pushed around his entire life, beaten, forgotten, lied, cheated, and abused. He's spent this time on Earth blaming the world for his problems. Every love that's come through has found another's arms before telling him goodbye. His family barely looks him in the eye, but begrudgingly takes him in regardless. 

   Then he meets a girl with nowhere to go, abandoned and scared. She'd been abused, and forgotten, ostracized and put down. He saw an opportunity to get ahead. He could see what she wanted, so he painted her a picture. One of the American Dream. A life together settled down, working together to provide for the family they had built.

   Over the years, with that image in mind, she worked harder than she'd ever imagined, meanwhile the man had other plans. "Let her do all the work, and I will reap the reward. If everything fails, it will be her fault for doing it wrong." She could see this was wrong, but the painting never left her sight, and blinded her to the artist who would constantly stab her in the heart.

   She carried him through every storm, when all had left her. She supported him when they were kicked back to the curb. She sacrificed her very being until her vision in the painting was so distorted, she didn't know who she was or what she truly wanted any longer. When the world would shove him over a cliff, she would dive right over with him to protect him from the impact, meanwhile killing her. Then she would have to begin again, and start from scratch, while watching him dust himself off, and blame her for the scratch he received.

   Then two beautiful girls came along for this roller coaster of doom. By the second arrived, she began to see a different image in the painting. She realized that he was not to be in the painting if she was to be happy. She needed to paint her own portrait, with her and the girls. One that she creates, and exhibits in real life. At this point he was heading to another cliff, and she began to curve her trajectory away from it. She held fast to the girls, only allowing them so close to the edge with him.

   As the distance grows greater, he turns his back to the cliff, and the "world" he blames encircles him, no longer shielded by his other-half. They coax him to the edge. As he gets closer, he's unaware, too busy arguing with the reality he's arrived at. They shove him over.

   She can hear him scream, but she can no longer save him. If she falls one more time, there will be no more fixing her brokenness. She will be gone for ever. So with a heavy heart, and tears in her eyes, she keeps her back to him, and walks away, children in tow, too young to understand what they've been dragged in to, and hurt to be walking away.

The Walking Dead Marriage

Hello IP,

I truly do miss this. I just wish it had been real... I'm only keeping this and others on Facebook for the girls to look back on, to see where they came from. Better up on here than saved to any of my devices... I'll probably move them to the girls pages and let them decide when they're older... but for now, Remembering the good, and mourning the loss is what I need. I miss having someone to come home to. I miss being hugged from behind. I miss having someone there to tell me they love me. But to be honest, I fell more loved, and more beautiful without him, than I ever did with him.... (and I tyed that last sentence with my eyes closed fighting the tears. I worked so hard for something, that I knew was bad. In the end I'm glad I did. I don't regret it. I received three blessings from it. I learned to be self-sufficient and not rely on others for how I feel, Elizabeth, and Allyson. I will never regret loving him, I will never regret holding on. I only regret that I didn't try hard enough. Looking back, I knew all along it was unhealthy, but I blamed it on our environment. I truly believed that if I got us out of there, we'd be alright... At least I am out, I am happy, I am strong, i am beautiful, I am good enough. I have come so far, and have so much further to go. I know some day I will be blessed with the a heart that sees mine for what it truly is, and can be the balm on my broken heart. Someone to be an example of what a husband should be for my girls, so they never wind up a punching bag like I did. Not to say that he hit me, but I was a target of mental abuse throughout... Looking at pictures like this almost blur out the bad, but then I look at the screenshots of his texts and remember what he said to me the last time we talked.... I made the right choice finally... I know I pissed everyone off throughout this mess.... I just wish everyone could see it from my perspective. I truly believed that he loved me in his messed up way. That with the way he grew up, that was the only way he could love... and for me, I was desperate to have someone loved me. I was alone and had nowhere else to turn to until him. I no longer need the love of others. Thank God I have it now, since I've found my soul sisters, and good friends I've made along the way. I've learned to love myself for all my flaws, and am trying to work it out. My marriage died, and it's hard to get over that... it's hard to grieve over something you knew was dead to begin with... Something that nearly killed me on the inside. Then I walked away. This tie was different from all of the other times... I started to sing again. I've started nerding again. I don't have to walk on eggshells, looking over my shoulder, wondering if I'm going to get yelled at when I get home because someone was nice enough to compliment me, or just talk to me. I look at my girls, and I see him. When Alice frowns, she looks just like her daddy when he throws a fit. It's hard to see him in their eyes. I only hope that the girls understand what happened, and why I left and broke up their home. Why there's all this tension. Why mommy and daddy can't even sit in the same room for five minutes without arguing... I hope they resepect my decision and choose a path different from mine. That the realize they are beautiful, and don't need a man to make them happy. They have all they need right inside of them. It took me nearly 26 years to figure it all out. There's a difference between knowing, and learning. We all know, we hear it all the time. But to understand it, is another level entirely...Love isn't always beautiful, not at the start, but once you recognize it, you'll see the real beauty underneath, and all the rest will not be worth fighting for.

There is Always a Light in the Darkness, You Just Have To Look

   Good Morrow Fair People!!
I have fallen silent yet again. What a shock! So very unlike me! (Have we caught on to my sarcasm yet??? My button seems to be broken of late).
My computer died and had to be sent in for repairs only to wind up being replaced with a poorer version of itself, and blogging on my phone is a pain. But I am mostly back now, not that anyone truly cares.
   I am in a bit of an artsy mood and felt like writing. Sang all day, added a few songs to my Smule profile, sand with Michael Buble, rocked the showtunes. You know, normal stuff.
   I've just been feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders lately, and nearly collapsed. You see, I took the burden away from God, and started taking it all on myself. I had forgotten my place in His kingdom, and began to drown. I was so lost in the dark, I couldn't see the light. I was ready to give up hope.
   Screams of agony escaped from my heart. I cursed myself for being so stupid as to allow myself to fall so far behind when I had worked so hard to be where I am today. The tears of distress burned my eyes, and drowned me in shame. My best friend was right there with me, and was able to calm me down. I honestly do not know what I would do without her.
   Then the terms were settled within, and I remembered that God has a plan for my life. He will not forsake me. He will not allow my children to grow up without me. He will help me navigate this stormy desert.
   Making a hermitage was my goal for the day. Sustenance was of little consequence for body. Depression had filled my core; and though it was hardly noticed, I did recognize it at least. That right that lead me to realize that I would get through this. Recognition of the source is a good step towards healing myself.
   Upon the return of my friend, she suggested we hike down the road for late night snack run. Knowing I needed to get out of the house before I lost myself again, but wanting so much to veg out, I happily agreed. The walk was daunting in my mind. I didn't feel capable.
   My spirits were quickly lifted upon checking the mail. There inside was a letter that was a literal answer to my prayer. God truly loved.. LOVES.. me.
   How can I work without my car? How is one suppose to pick up their children without a car? How is one suppose to get anything done without a car? Without transportation I will lose my job, my home, my car, my phone, my children...... everything....
   The letter unfolded before me, only it's not a letter. It's a CHECK for three-quarters of the bill to fix my car. I still have remnants of my last paycheck. I can get my car back. Now I just have to get back to work before I lose all of my points.
   If I am too late, that is ok, there are plenty of places looking to hire. I may have to go back to factory work, I lose time with my children, but I am sure God will guide me on this journey. I trust him with all of my heart and my soul. God is good. I am blessed. I AM LOVED.

Two Way Mirror

Wow. To see my daughter fall apart at the seems like me? With my Mom, Dad, what we went through as I grew up, I learned how to react to it, mostly. Instead of an hour long ordeal like they were with me, I was able to get Elizabeth​ to give up. She's uber tired from an exciting day, and forgot how to take her jacket off. Because of that one ripple in her reflection, she just exploded. I had to drag her kicking and screaming to bed. I had already laid Allyson​ down. I stepped outside for a minute to see if she would calm down, but really didn't want to leave the baby in there. I walked in, scooped up Alice, and sat against the living room door, barring Lizzie there. I sat with Alice singing to her to keep her calm and help her relax and try to block out Lizzie screaming at the top of her lungs. Lizzie starting kicking at the door which is when I reacted. A tantrum is one thing, but trying to damage things to express yourself is wrong. I disciplined her, then went back to sitting against the door and let her scream herself hoarse... I kept flashing back to me as child. Granted I was quite a bit older than her when I did this, but it is still very similar. I remember how draining it was. How midway I would kind of "wake up" and wonder why I was freaking out. I became aware that I was making too big a deal of things and needed to calm down. It honestly doesn't take much when you don't know what's happening. And if you're on the outside looking in, it's even harder if you've never seen the inside. You don't want them to feel abandoned, but if you draw attention, it makes it worse. And discipline can make things harder. From what I learned in the last 25 years is to put her in a safe quiet place, and let her scream herself horse. Wait until she's been quiet for a few minutes before you go to her. Any time before that and you'll upset her again. She'll feel threatened and break apart, even if you come with love. Last but not least, especially if this is a nighttime ordeal, put her to bed. Tuck her in. Give her love and hugs and cuddle her. Speak with a firm but gentle and loving voice. Calmly tell her that that behavior is wrong, and was unnecessary. Ask her how she feels and don't put her down for feeling that way. Guide her on the right way to handle the situation. Give her lots of kisses if she'll let you, hug, and overuse "I love you." Also let her know that it's ok not to like you right now, because you didn't like doing that very much either. But You still love her anyway. Remind her of how beautiful and special she is. Let her pick something for the next, whether it be breakfast, or where she wants to take a walk. Love is the most important ingredient in this mess. It hurts, I know, and it's hard to keep a level head when your child is flipping the hell out. There's just nothing you can do until they've figured it out on their own, and then rationalize the situation in a way they can understand. I know it was hard for you two to handle me growing up. Believe me, it was hard BEING me in all of that. Having this raw emotion controlling you, not knowing where it came from, why it was there, or what was happening? Or even understanding exactly why you're confused? Looking to your parents for help and they just didn't have the answers was heartbreaking. I understand fully. It took me 25 years to figure only part of it out, and I have to live with it everyday! I can't escape it even if I wanted to. I've had to learn the hard way how to not necessarily CONTROL my emotions, but how to balance them. When do I express my frustration? When do I remain calm? When can I cry? When is it ok to yell at someone. My attitude gets the better of me more often than not, but I'm a work in progress. And now having a dual perspective on it, as exhausting and gut wrenching as it is, It's helped me be the mom I need to be, and the woman God wants me to be.