Good Morrow Fair People!!
I have fallen silent yet again. What a shock! So very unlike me! (Have we caught on to my sarcasm yet??? My button seems to be broken of late).
My computer died and had to be sent in for repairs only to wind up being replaced with a poorer version of itself, and blogging on my phone is a pain. But I am mostly back now, not that anyone truly cares.
I am in a bit of an artsy mood and felt like writing. Sang all day, added a few songs to my Smule profile, sand with Michael Buble, rocked the showtunes. You know, normal stuff.
I've just been feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders lately, and nearly collapsed. You see, I took the burden away from God, and started taking it all on myself. I had forgotten my place in His kingdom, and began to drown. I was so lost in the dark, I couldn't see the light. I was ready to give up hope.
Screams of agony escaped from my heart. I cursed myself for being so stupid as to allow myself to fall so far behind when I had worked so hard to be where I am today. The tears of distress burned my eyes, and drowned me in shame. My best friend was right there with me, and was able to calm me down. I honestly do not know what I would do without her.
Then the terms were settled within, and I remembered that God has a plan for my life. He will not forsake me. He will not allow my children to grow up without me. He will help me navigate this stormy desert.
Making a hermitage was my goal for the day. Sustenance was of little consequence for body. Depression had filled my core; and though it was hardly noticed, I did recognize it at least. That right that lead me to realize that I would get through this. Recognition of the source is a good step towards healing myself.
Upon the return of my friend, she suggested we hike down the road for late night snack run. Knowing I needed to get out of the house before I lost myself again, but wanting so much to veg out, I happily agreed. The walk was daunting in my mind. I didn't feel capable.
My spirits were quickly lifted upon checking the mail. There inside was a letter that was a literal answer to my prayer. God truly loved.. LOVES.. me.
How can I work without my car? How is one suppose to pick up their children without a car? How is one suppose to get anything done without a car? Without transportation I will lose my job, my home, my car, my phone, my children...... everything....
The letter unfolded before me, only it's not a letter. It's a CHECK for three-quarters of the bill to fix my car. I still have remnants of my last paycheck. I can get my car back. Now I just have to get back to work before I lose all of my points.
If I am too late, that is ok, there are plenty of places looking to hire. I may have to go back to factory work, I lose time with my children, but I am sure God will guide me on this journey. I trust him with all of my heart and my soul. God is good. I am blessed. I AM LOVED.
