Two Way Mirror

Wow. To see my daughter fall apart at the seems like me? With my Mom, Dad, what we went through as I grew up, I learned how to react to it, mostly. Instead of an hour long ordeal like they were with me, I was able to get Elizabeth​ to give up. She's uber tired from an exciting day, and forgot how to take her jacket off. Because of that one ripple in her reflection, she just exploded. I had to drag her kicking and screaming to bed. I had already laid Allyson​ down. I stepped outside for a minute to see if she would calm down, but really didn't want to leave the baby in there. I walked in, scooped up Alice, and sat against the living room door, barring Lizzie there. I sat with Alice singing to her to keep her calm and help her relax and try to block out Lizzie screaming at the top of her lungs. Lizzie starting kicking at the door which is when I reacted. A tantrum is one thing, but trying to damage things to express yourself is wrong. I disciplined her, then went back to sitting against the door and let her scream herself hoarse... I kept flashing back to me as child. Granted I was quite a bit older than her when I did this, but it is still very similar. I remember how draining it was. How midway I would kind of "wake up" and wonder why I was freaking out. I became aware that I was making too big a deal of things and needed to calm down. It honestly doesn't take much when you don't know what's happening. And if you're on the outside looking in, it's even harder if you've never seen the inside. You don't want them to feel abandoned, but if you draw attention, it makes it worse. And discipline can make things harder. From what I learned in the last 25 years is to put her in a safe quiet place, and let her scream herself horse. Wait until she's been quiet for a few minutes before you go to her. Any time before that and you'll upset her again. She'll feel threatened and break apart, even if you come with love. Last but not least, especially if this is a nighttime ordeal, put her to bed. Tuck her in. Give her love and hugs and cuddle her. Speak with a firm but gentle and loving voice. Calmly tell her that that behavior is wrong, and was unnecessary. Ask her how she feels and don't put her down for feeling that way. Guide her on the right way to handle the situation. Give her lots of kisses if she'll let you, hug, and overuse "I love you." Also let her know that it's ok not to like you right now, because you didn't like doing that very much either. But You still love her anyway. Remind her of how beautiful and special she is. Let her pick something for the next, whether it be breakfast, or where she wants to take a walk. Love is the most important ingredient in this mess. It hurts, I know, and it's hard to keep a level head when your child is flipping the hell out. There's just nothing you can do until they've figured it out on their own, and then rationalize the situation in a way they can understand. I know it was hard for you two to handle me growing up. Believe me, it was hard BEING me in all of that. Having this raw emotion controlling you, not knowing where it came from, why it was there, or what was happening? Or even understanding exactly why you're confused? Looking to your parents for help and they just didn't have the answers was heartbreaking. I understand fully. It took me 25 years to figure only part of it out, and I have to live with it everyday! I can't escape it even if I wanted to. I've had to learn the hard way how to not necessarily CONTROL my emotions, but how to balance them. When do I express my frustration? When do I remain calm? When can I cry? When is it ok to yell at someone. My attitude gets the better of me more often than not, but I'm a work in progress. And now having a dual perspective on it, as exhausting and gut wrenching as it is, It's helped me be the mom I need to be, and the woman God wants me to be.