Hey World, it's me again. Not quite the epic beginning I was hoping for but what do you expect when you decide to write your first blog during break at work?
   Anywho, I'm just stting at home, on a Friday night, tired and missing work beause the weather was too bad for my husband to drive me, plus with his battery dying everytime he shuts off his car, Ijust couldn't risk him being stuck. With my van at the repair shop, I'm without a car for the  time being until I can come up with $400. Bummer right?
   I love my job, which makes this hard for me. The people I work with can get on my nerves, irritate me, and just don't know when to back off, but that's why they are awesome. They pay enough attention to see something is up, and want to help. Outside of work I don't really have that too much. My co-workers are the closest friends I have. I let them all down tonght by not coming in. I can't wait to get my car back... I'm no good at relying on others.
   Like when my oldest was a baby.Those were some... no most... of the toughest days of my life. She was a cranky child with a mother who knew nothing about babies, but tried her best with next to no help. I still cry thinking about that time. Back then, my husband was the only one with a vehicle too, which always tends to happen in the winter for us. I needed out of the house away from his family, and he had things to do that we couldn't join him for, so he'd drop us off at Denny's. I'd sit there for hours with my laptop, playing games, trying to do something for myself, while taking care of my infant daughter. The first hour or two was fine. I had just enough cash for coffee for me, and food for her.
   Soon she grew tired, but with all the activity around her,she refused it. nothing could console her. I grew weary and frustrated,and angered my husband with pleas to go home soon. More than once I had an old lady reprimand me for being too busy to play games, that my daughter was obviously tired and needed to go home. It hurt so much that I was drowning there, alone, and instead of a life preserver, I got a bucket of ice dumped over my head. I had no family nearby, the house of ten miles away, the snow was coming down, and everyone there was mad at me. I tried to apologize, for my daughter being a child and doing what she does best, but I shouldn't have. I still do, because I'm still struggling as a mom. Now I never get to see them, and I'd give anything for those miserable days that dragged me through mud. Because mixed in there are their smiles, their love, their future memories that they're having without me. Someone else is raising my children, telling them Idon't love them because I don'tcome see them, all because I can't afford to get my van, Ican't afford child care, and I want nothing more to never miss another day with them like I'm suppose to as their mother. I am sitting alone in my apartment cuddling with my daughter's dog toy that she forgot the last time she was here. they blocks they left out still sit where they last played with them.i should never apologize for them. They are wonderful, amazing, stubborn, cranky, smartbutted little brats, and they're are allowed to be them, whether people like it or not.